Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace
From Ewokpedia
[edit] Plot Synopsis
From the Official Site
The EVIL TRADER CONFEDERATION has blockaded the beautiful planet of Nubia because of some trade disagreement or something. In order to resolve this crisis, the Senate sends two JEDI WARRIORS (Liam Neeson and Obi Wan "OB1" Kenobi to negotiate. Negotiations fall through and the Jedi go on a robot-killing rampage through the ship before being forced to retreat to the surface of the planet by bigger, meaner droids. There, they meet the hilarious comic relief character Jar Jar Binks. The funny lizard-duck creature with his completely inoffensive caricatured Caribbean accent leads our two Jedi heroes to a city populated by nothing but inoffensive duck-creatures - known as Gungans. There OUR HEROES are given a submarine to travel through the PLANET CORE, populated by Godzilla and his giant fish friends.
They make it back to the surface, save the Queen, jet off in a slick-ass chrome SR-71 Blackbird, but get shot at by TRADE CONFEDERATION battle cruisers. Luckily R2-D2 saves their asses, but the ship is still forced to land on Tatooine. There they meet Anakin Skywalker, a young slave boy who has a knack for building things and crashing giant jet-engine-propelled race cars. Despite being a nine year old, he immediately hits it off with the older teenage Queen Padme using the classic pickup line, "Did it hurt [when you fell from heaven]?"
Sensing the presence of THE FORCE in the boy, Liam Neeson has OB1 run a test on his blood. They are both shocked to find out that he had the highest Midichlorian count of anyone. Ever. Combined with the fact that he was born of a (supposedly) virgin mother, Liam Neeson concludes that this boy must be the Messiah, the King of Kings, and the Chosen One. He decides that he needs to bring the boy to the Jedi Council so that he may train Anakin to free the galaxy from sin and bring balance to THE FORCE.
But unfortunately Liam Neeson has no cash to buy parts for the busted up, but still fuckin' sweet Chrome Nubian Cruiser. So he makes a bet with Anakin's owner, the tubby, air-filled bag of fun Watto. He bets that Anakin can win the Christmas Eve Podrace, despite the fact that Anakin has never actually finished, much less won, a race before. But, hey, whatever. Anakin wins despite all odds because, hey, he's Jesus.
Some other shit happens, and then there's some procedural crap in the Jedi Temple and on the Senate floor. Samuel L. "Motherfuckin'" Jackson and Yoda realize early on that little Anakin is dangerously unstable. "So what?" says Liam Neeson. "He's the goddamned Chosen One." But before the matter could be discussed further, OUR HEROES are whisked back to Nubia to finish off the movie.
We finally get to some fighting now! The primitive Gundam army goes up against the technologically superior Droid Army, and the Gundams get their asses handed to them. Oh, and did I mention the Sith? Yeah, the Emperor (but before he was the Emperor) set the TRADER CONFEDERATION up to do this so that he could become Chancellor of the Senate. And he's got this wicked-cool apprentice who uses a DOUBLE-BLADED lasersword. How fuckin' sweet is that?! Anyway, the apprentice - named Dark Maul - gets into an epic duel with OB1 and Liam Neeson. Dark Maul kills Neeson, OB1 cuts Dark Maul in half, Anakin blows up the main Trader Confederation ship, the Queen regains control of her planet, and the droid army is deactivated before they can commit mass-genocide on the Gundam species.
Yoda lets OB1 train Anakin as per Liam's dying wishes, despite knowing the kid is ready to snap at any moment, there's a funeral for Liam Neeson, and then PARTY TIME! WHOO! Cue end credits!
[edit] History
The year is 1999. George Lucas, on the heels of his much adored revisions of the Original Trilogy, decides it is time to allow the unwashed masses see his true vision. Lucas was merely biding his time, having written the script for the movie almost 30 years before its actual release. The film was a critical success, leaving fans clamoring for more. Episode I merchandise was in scarce supply as the public quickly bought up anything with STAR WARS written on the side of it. The world had fallen in love with the precocious 9 year old Anakin and the side-splittingly hilarious Jar Jar Binks. Many even consider the film to be on par, if not better than Star Wars 5: The Empire Strikes Back. But Lucas was not done. Work had already begun on the next exciting installment of the Prequel Trilogy: Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones!
[edit] See Also
- Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace
- Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones
- Star Wars 3: Return of the Sith
- Star Wars
- Star Wars 5: The Empire Strikes Back
- Star Wars 6: Revenge of the Jedi
