Droid in the closet
From Ewokpedia
"Droid in the Closet" is an "Musical-space-opera-balled" released by droid singer Jo-E Fat-1 in 4 ABY. The songs relate an ongoing narrative, which Fat-1 exploited by sending chapters to holocron stations one at a time to generate interest. It has no chorus and is told in a conversational manner, using dramatics and cliffhangers between the episodes. The songs tell the story of a droid leaving his maintenance closet for one night and sets off a chain of events, which gradually reveals a web of lies and deceit.
Contents |
[edit] Chapter 1
The first chapter of "Droid in the Closet" begins with the narrator, Kromdar (portrayed by Fat-1), waking up and realizing that things are not right and finding himself in a forbidden (to him) wing of Jabba's palace. He thinks back to the events of the night before and recalls leaving a nightclub with a strange woman the previous night, and that he was in her bed. As Kromdar is scolding himself for what he has done as a servant droid, the woman comes back into her quarters, looking to get dressed for the day. Kromdar tells her that he has to leave quickly. She tells him he can't leave out the door because she hears Gamorrean guards patrolling the hallway. Kromdar says he'll go through the ventillation ducts, but she reminds him that droids are incredibly heavy and that there's no possible way that it could support his weight. Kromdar thinks frantically, and then decides to hide in the closet. A few seconds later, the guard walks in, and it is revealed that the guard and the woman are married. The couple ends up fooling around on the bed. Kromdar reflects that and recalls how unpleasant his encounter was with the woman, like something just wasn't quite right. Suddenly, Kromdar's space-phone rings and he hurries to put it on space vibrate. The husband hears the ring (which, coincidentally is Max Rebo's Why Do I Look Like an Elephant?) and suspects something is wrong. He searches the palace for another person. He looks behind the frog tank, under the grating in the floor, in the large clay pots that serve no purpose in the palace, and then walks towards the closet. The first part ends with Kromdar reaching for his lasersword and the husband opening the closet. Ending "cliffhanger" line: "Now he's at the closet, I'm a droid in the closet....."
[edit] Chapter 2
In the second part of the song, the husband opens the closet and begins to yell at his wife for spending her free time cheating on him. The husband recognizes Kromdar and asks him for his autograph, but Kromdar refuses. The husband reveals to his wife that he had suspected her of cheating all along but did not want to believe it. As the couple is arguing, Kromdar tells them that he wants no part of what was happening, so he tries to leave. The husband tells Kromdar to stay put and that he would have killed Kromdar if Kromdar wasn't holding a loaded lasersword himself. Kromdar then tells the couple to let him go, since it was the wife's fault that Kromdar was there. The wife had never told Kromdar that she was married, however, Kromdar violently insists that he does not care. Again, the husband tells Kromdar and the wife to both stay put, and tells them that there is something he needs to show them both first. He makes a space-phone call and tells the person on the other end to turn the landspeeder back around. Meanwhile, Kromdar threatens to slash the husband and wife if they do not let him leave the house, and the husband reveals to Kromdar that he is a jedi and does not want to see violence. Kromdar tells the couple that they have to the count of four before he starts swinging. Kromdar begins to count, as the wife suspects the husband of having cheated on her. The husband tells the wife that "Since we're all coming out of the closet today," he's not the only one who is about to be brokenhearted. The second parts ends when the husband, opens the door just after Kromdar counts to four and the husband's lover is revealed to be a man, implying the husband is a bisexual. Ending "cliffhanger" line: "He opens the door, I see that it's a MAN....."
[edit] Chapter 3
In the third installment, Kromdar looks stunned at the male lover of the Gammorean guard. Meanwhile his mind is racing, he wonders if Jabba knows about this, what the couple's friends and family think about it, and more importantly - are they accepted? Kromdar lowers his weapon and carefully observes how the interactions play out. The wife begins to cry then begins to assault her husband. The attack begins to get so violent that Kromdar has to intervene, but he does so by taking the husband into his arms and keeping the wife away. As he holds the husband tight, Kromdar notes that being this man's protector just feels right somehow, and that they seem to fit together. The husband is not phased by Kromdar's introspection and continues yelling at his wife, adding that it was her vagina that turned him into a homosexual. Kromdar wonders out loud if that's how it works, only to be chastized by the husband and his lover for being "not cool". Kromdar releases the husband and insists that he will have no more of this situation and places a space-phone call to his maintenance closet, only to have the phone be answered by Jabba himself Ending "cliffhanger" line: "Oh no! It's Jabba! Aye Carumba!
[edit] Chapter 4
In the 4th part, Kromdar quickly hangs up on Jabba and panics about what to do. He must get back to the closet, but clearly Jabba knows he's not there. He decides he will find Squidhead and form an alibi as to where they've been all night. As he runs through the halls he is stopped by Salacious Crumb who begins to ask where he's going and where he's been and why he's in such a hurry. Kromdar knows how close Crumb is to Jabba, and has a strong desire to pull his lasersword, but tells himself to calm down. Crumb doesn't relent and hints that if Jabba finds out he left the maintenance closet, Kromdar will almost certainly be punished or tortured. Tiring of the questions, and anxious to get away, Kromdor tells Crumb it's none of his business and shoves him aside, while Crumb just laughs. He finally finds Squeadhead's room, but the door is locked. He bangs on the door, saying he's in deep trouble and need's Kromdor to cover for him. The door slides open to reveal Bibb Fortuna and Jabba himself. Ending "Cliffhanger" line: "I can't believe my eyes! This surely means my demise!"
[edit] Chapter 5
Kromdar is in complete dispair, face to face with Jabba and Bibb, however, the two seem just as surprised and worried to see him. There is a moment of awkward silence until Bibb pulls Kromdar inside. He explains that Squidhead is blackmailing Jabba and they have come to search his room while he is away. Bibb insists that Kromdar help look for the incriminating item that Squidhead has on Jabba but refuses to say what it is. Jabba, for his part, only sits and observes, absently scratching his belly. Kromdar whispers to Bibb, asking why Jabba would personally accompany Bibb in this errand, and Bibb says Jabba insisted and he doesn't know why. Kromdar joins in the search, though not nearly as intently as Bibb, who is tearing the room apart. Kromdar is just trying to get out of this room alive, and if searching for some mystery item helps him do that, then that's what he'll do. Jabba barks some instruction to Bibb, who moves his search to a nearby shelf, while Kromdar looks under squidhead's bed. His eyes widen, he has found the item in question. Ending "Cliffhanger" line: "This must be it! This must be what we're looking for! I can't believe what I'm holding!"
