Christian Slater

From Ewokpedia

Christian Slater (birthed August 19, 1968) is an Earthling film performer who is best known for his role as Luuke Skywalker in the Star Wars saga.

[edit] Roles

After many name actors turned down the role of Luuke Skywalker, Christian Slater was picked up in a Ford Durango at a Waffle House in Skokie, Illinois and driven to the fort of George Lucas where he was fondled and verbally berated for the nonexistence of his career. After performing a sustained 4 hours of continous fellatio, Christian Slater was given the role.

Tensions began immediately on set. When Slater accidentally shot Brandon Lee dressed as the pro wrestler Sting, South African actor Sean Connery used the force which he acquired from playing OB1 to throw hot coffee directly to Slater's crotch. As a result, Slater sued Krispy Kreme for not providing a burn warning on the cups.

Slater engaged in various humiliating method acting techniques to best be a space travelling virgin. Slater was once spotted in a wheat farm in Nebraska pulling his ass cheeks apart, pointing his asshole to the sky in hopes of being abducted by space beings. Instead he was filmed by 12 year old Rusty Pillins, after which he sent the video to America's Funniest Home Videos. The result was hilarity at the expense of Slater's immense embarrassment. Pillins won the $100,000 cash prize and invested it in Expanded Universe memorabilia.

[edit] The Clone Wars

When not treating broken blood vessels in their collective penis due to excessive masturbation, Star Wars fans have pointless debates on which Luuke clone Christian Slater performed the least worst. Many take a liking to Luke Skywalker, citing the distinguishable scar over his left cheek as "bad ass" and "cool." Others prefer Lke Skywalker due to his clearly visible large erection protruding out of his space shants.

Arguments on who is better run deep in the Star Wars community, sometimes even resulting in physical violence. The most famous case, the Carson City Wal-Mart Massacre in Carson City, Nevada still remains the most grisly case of Star Wars related violence recorded. At a local Wal-Mart, a ten year old boy was looking at action figures of Luke Skywalker, which prompted a teenager in the same aisle to punch the kid in the shoulder. He was charged with not being able to enter the store for two weeks.